I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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