Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
