New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
