you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
