they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
