remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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