Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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