just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
