i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
