I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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