I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
