Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
