good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
