Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
