Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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