Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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