Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
