We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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