i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
