My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
