i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
