do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
