Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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