we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
