he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
