He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize