he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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