I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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