Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
