If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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