I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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