apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
