Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
