i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize