I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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