Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was like eating out sand paper
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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