I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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