We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
