was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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