apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
