Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
