Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
