Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
