HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
