I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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