he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
