Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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