My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
