i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
