wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
