You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize