I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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