I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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