some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
