I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
