we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
