Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
