Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
