i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
