I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
