Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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