he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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