I wish I could punch you in the face.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
