on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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