He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
