This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Randomize
