I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and she was petting her beer can
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
