Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
