Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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