The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize