No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
