Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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