It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
