We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
