It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
