Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
