good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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