and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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