Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A bitchslap is in order.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
