did you get engaged???
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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