you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
