I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
