i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
