i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
