Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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