i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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