think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
