Need sex. Gaining weight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
