im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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