all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
