The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
