I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
