i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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