You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
