a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
