Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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