we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
