He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
