i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We need to rekindle our bromance
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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