I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Help. Why am I so naked?
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