I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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