I'm going to jail i love you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
