If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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