Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
