i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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