dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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