If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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