May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
