You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize