This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
