I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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