failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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