if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
